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Probably the most impressive thing I’ve ever written:

 

Brothers,

As many of you may have noticed, at some point this afternoon several doors

within the house went missing. Fortunately, they were discovered unharmed in

Thalmann’s… in the room at the end of the hall. Truly this is a prank for

the ages, and the legendary pranking prowess of the perpetrators will only

be magnified as its story is told and retold by generations of Taus. Should

the parties responsible for this prank, the intellect and wit of whom mere

words are inadequate to describe, deign once more to grace my doorway with

their presence and return my door to it’s rightful place within its jamb, I

can offer you my undying gratitude and admiration, lacking though those

meager rewards may be to men of your stature.

There is, however, another issue on which I cannot be so lenient. As those

mysterious, revered, and nigh immortal beings at whose feet we lay our

effusive but meager praise for a job well done are no doubt aware, attached

to my humble door, which I am not worthy of opening when compared to the

true gods among men who removed it from its hinges, was a small, utterly

insignificant plastic placard intended to convey the spirits of its

occupant, videlicet yours truly. Although a trifle and surely worthy of

reproach from titans of humor such as yourselves, it has brought me much joy

in the months it has graced my dwelling. Should it be even remotely within

the extraordinary means of you fine examples of humanity to return, I would

once more be eternally in your debt.

Yours most lovingly and respectfully,

Sean Terrill

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