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Time Flies

Wow, I blinked and it’s March. After this semester I’ll be halfway through with college, or at least I hope so. I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun, and yet I still feel like I’m treading water here. It isn’t even the good kind of treading with the sweatshirt that gets you buff, more like the boat sank six hours ago and it would be really nice if the Coast Guard showed up already. I think my biggest concern is that I might waste my life.

I just Googled my name. The results were a little depressing. Some free-lance writing I did from back when I was a MacMac, a couple of mailing list archives, this blog, and my .Mac site, plus a bunch of other Sean Terrills. Oh, and the results of an IQ test that was supposed to be private, as if I care who knows that I’m not living up to my potential. Anyway, the point I’m slowly coming to is that although I am a privacy advocate on principle, clearly if I actually cared about my own privacy I wouldn’t be writing this stuff where you can read it. So I’ve started thinking about that idea I’ve been throwing around forever, which is to carry around a PDA, mount a video camera on a pair of glasses, and broadcast my life 24/7. It’s getting steadily more technically feasible, so I guess I just have to look into costs.

Let’s talk about girls. I’m in favor of having them around, even if they do hate me. I’m just joking, most of have never met and most of those who haven’t never will. So, I’m not really shy. It’s more like I’m so disillusioned with the whole male-female paradigm that I don’t think it’s really worth the effort. I don’t want a girlfriend, but I do miss having female friends. Or maybe it’s just that I miss my friends from high school and most of them happened to be female. So on the one hand we have Jason, who doesn’t show any signs of giving up playerhood anytime soon, and on the other hand there’s Kevin, who finally seems to have found someone cool but probably exaggerates these things more than I do. So where do I fit in? I guess that’s what I’m trying to decide, and I have to wonder if this is another thing that “normal” people do based on emotion, where all I have is logic. So then I worry that worrying makes me weird and the only conclusion I can draw from all of this is that on some level, at some times, I do care about what other people think of me. I guess that’s what bothers me the most about the whole girl situation: it makes me feel less secure about myself.

OK, I need to go run now.

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