In all seriousness, how can a company of this size put anything together without running it by someone with a [...]]]> Just for future reference, Cisco, you probably shouldn’t air a series of ads on national TV in which the word “live” dissolves into “share”. You probably shouldn’t be setting up narratives without exposition either, but whatevs.

In all seriousness, how can a company of this size put anything together without running it by someone with a mind twisted enough to notice this kind of thing? Followup question: would anyone like to pay me to do that?

Ironically, Jordan, Justin, and I were lamenting the exclusion of the original cast just last right, and I opined that it was simply a negotiating strategy on the [...]]]> I know, I know, I’m probably the only blogger to use that title… But Futurama was the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Ironically, Jordan, Justin, and I were lamenting the exclusion of the original cast just last right, and I opined that it was simply a negotiating strategy on the part of Fox. Win.

Futurama cast members ink new deal with Fox

Turns out [...]]]> I watched the Fishsticks episode of South Park today, and felt like maybe I was missing something. Is there some reason Kanye West wouldn’t understand a simple joke? I didn’t actually know anything about him except for the Hurricane Katrina thing. Is he notoriously stupid, notoriously bad with wordplay, or just a notorious douche?

Turns out it’s the douche one.

Not that that was easy to find out. His wikipedia entry is almost entirely biographical and lacking in information on Kanye’s douche status. That’s something that should be implemented in the celebrity statistics sidebar, right under birth date and profession: a “Douche Status” field, with options ranging from “surprisingly non-douchey” to “irreconcilable douchebag”. Fortunately googling “kanye west is a douche” returns over 2000 results.

It isn’t that he’s a singer who doesn’t seem to be particularly good at singing, but has a clothing line and a label and a restaurant anyway. That’s your typical faux-lebrity stuff and is society’s problem, not Kanye’s. But the man has actually said, out loud, and on camera that he thinks he’s “the voice of this generation”. I’m six years younger than him, so I’m pretty sure he’s talking about my generation too. Kanye, I’ve only been reading about you online for about 10 minutes, and already I sincerely hope that I never hear your voice in my life. It is not the voice of a generation, it’s the voice of a douche. As far as douchebags go, yours is so large that it could comfortably hold the contents of several other, previously thought to be large, douchebags. You should change your name to Ozydouchias, King of Douches.

And if that weren’t enough, when he lost a European music video award, he went on stage, seemingly for the sole purpose of making himself look shallow and insecure:

I mean, everyone’s a sore loser sometimes, but Kanye West has so much sand in his vagina that when he queefs it blows tuna-scented glass.

Fuck you, Kanye West.

As opposed to the World Bartending Championships, where people do things like pour seven flaming cocktails [...]]]> I was watching The Colbert Report on Hulu, and there was an item about the WBC, which got me briefly excited until I realized they were talking about the World Barista Championships, which lends itself to stunning footage like this:

As opposed to the World Bartending Championships, where people do things like pour seven flaming cocktails at once. Other creepy things from the news: a dude with a tree in his chest and this not-so fun cycling accident:

It’s really enlightening to see how the rhetoric is viewed by someone with distance from [...]]]> Here’s a fun look at what our (distant and attractive in a way that you know is wrong but feels so right) cousins think of our cable TV programming. Turns out, there are people who hate Fox News more than me.

It’s really enlightening to see how the rhetoric is viewed by someone with distance from the political issues.